We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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