id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
