He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize