Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
