have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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