It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
