Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize