Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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