I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
