Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
