Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize