dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
