that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
