She's JV to your varsity
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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