As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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