just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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