someone owes me an orgasm
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
