I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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