Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
