the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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