Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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