o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
