Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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