what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize