I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize