Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
