how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
