just come out here and I will go home with you...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
this boner is exhausting
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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