im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel like death gave me a hand job
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
