Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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