hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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