real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize