last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
