a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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