Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
