That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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