There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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