that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
