Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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