There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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