my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
