New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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