just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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