I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
