why didn't you poke me back
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
