Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
