Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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