she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
