I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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