Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
