could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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