If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
