We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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