I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
