my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
