non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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