Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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