He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
