my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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