My hand turned me down
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
