My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
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