Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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