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Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
