Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
