i just snorted my name. best moment ever
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
