you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
