my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
