Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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