Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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