when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
