I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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