Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
