They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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