you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
