I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
