We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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